To be a Democrat in America today…
You have to believe that the same public school idiot who can’t teach 4th graders how to read is qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear/biological weapons in the hands of terrorists.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the Sun, and more affected by Republicans driving SUVs.
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being gay is natural.
You have to be against capital punishment but pro abortion on demand — in short, you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
You have to believe the NRA is bad, because they stand up for certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because they stand up for certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren’t.
You have to believe conservatives are racists, but that black people couldn’t make it without your help.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried, is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drags, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.