Texas Rainmaker
2006 Predictions
December 30th, 2005 2:16 pm

I was going to make some predictions, but after reading Ned Rice’s (He’s a staff writer on the CBS talk show The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson) predictions, I doubt I could do better. So here are his:

    1. Brokeback Mountain becomes the first winner of a new Academy Award category, “Gayest Movie.” Winners note that it’s fabulous just to be nominated, girlfriend.
    2. George and Laura Bush file their 2005 income-tax returns, listing Cindy Sheehan as a dependent.
    3. In a speech announcing his bid for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination, Joe Biden accidentally plagiarizes a speech he gave several years ago.
    4. John Kerry announces that he’s running for president. Puzzled, a reporter shouts out, “Of what?”
    5. Barbara Boxer says something incredibly stupid.
    6. Federal government scraps Witness Protection Program, starts giving witnesses in need of anonymity their own shows on Air America Radio.
    7. Louisiana governor Kathleen Blanco orders the mandatory evacuation of the city of New Orleans.
    8. With strong bipartisan support Congress calls for a three-month embargo on Angelina Jolie adopting any more kids from the third world.
    9. Americans cheer as Martha Stewart and Robert Blake announce their engagement.
    10. In lieu of lapel ribbons, Hollywood conservatives begin attending awards ceremonies with their fingertips dyed purple.
    11. Elton John’s new husband David Furnish announces that he is pregnant.
    12. Barbara Boxer fails to grasp an elementary concept of representative democracy.
    13. European Union members vote to reject a new Iraqi constitution.
    14. Massachusetts amends their state constitution to ban heterosexual marriage.
    15. Mayor Ray Nagin orders the mandatory evacuation of the city of New Orleans.
    16. Lyndon LaRouche issues a statement from prison publicly distancing himself from Air America Radio co-founder Sheldon Drobny.
    17. Astronomers discover a tenth planet, which is immediately declared “non-smoking” by the FDA.
    18. Howard Dean announces, “The idea that the New England Patriots are going to repeat as Super Bowl champions this year is just plain wrong.”
    19. Hoping to regain her anonymity, Valerie Plame announces plans to host a prime-time TV show on MSNBC.
    20. Tookie Williams’ final children’s book - OK, So I Shot Those Four Mo-Fos - is published posthumously and gets a glowing review in the New York Times.
    21. More gloomy economic news for President Bush as thousands of unemployment offices are forced to close.
    22. A grim milestone in Paris as the 100,000th car is torched since the current unrest began. On a positive note, French automakers begin hiring assembly line workers again.
    23. Environmental artist Christo announces plans to wrap colorful nylon panels around Cindy Sheehan.
    Also check out the other predictions made by NRO folks.
    Posted by TexasRainmaker |
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