I was going to make some predictions, but after reading Ned Rice’s (He’s a staff writer on the CBS talk show The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson) predictions, I doubt I could do better. So here are his:
- Brokeback Mountain becomes the first winner of a new Academy Award category, “Gayest Movie.” Winners note that it’s fabulous just to be nominated, girlfriend.
- George and Laura Bush file their 2005 income-tax returns, listing Cindy Sheehan as a dependent.
- In a speech announcing his bid for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination, Joe Biden accidentally plagiarizes a speech he gave several years ago.
- John Kerry announces that he’s running for president. Puzzled, a reporter shouts out, “Of what?”
- Barbara Boxer says something incredibly stupid.
- Federal government scraps Witness Protection Program, starts giving witnesses in need of anonymity their own shows on Air America Radio.
- Louisiana governor Kathleen Blanco orders the mandatory evacuation of the city of New Orleans.
- With strong bipartisan support Congress calls for a three-month embargo on Angelina Jolie adopting any more kids from the third world.
- Americans cheer as Martha Stewart and Robert Blake announce their engagement.
- In lieu of lapel ribbons, Hollywood conservatives begin attending awards ceremonies with their fingertips dyed purple.
- Elton John’s new husband David Furnish announces that he is pregnant.
- Barbara Boxer fails to grasp an elementary concept of representative democracy.
- European Union members vote to reject a new Iraqi constitution.
- Massachusetts amends their state constitution to ban heterosexual marriage.
- Mayor Ray Nagin orders the mandatory evacuation of the city of New Orleans.
- Lyndon LaRouche issues a statement from prison publicly distancing himself from Air America Radio co-founder Sheldon Drobny.
- Astronomers discover a tenth planet, which is immediately declared “non-smoking” by the FDA.
- Howard Dean announces, “The idea that the New England Patriots are going to repeat as Super Bowl champions this year is just plain wrong.”
- Hoping to regain her anonymity, Valerie Plame announces plans to host a prime-time TV show on MSNBC.
- Tookie Williams’ final children’s book - OK, So I Shot Those Four Mo-Fos - is published posthumously and gets a glowing review in the New York Times.
- More gloomy economic news for President Bush as thousands of unemployment offices are forced to close.
- A grim milestone in Paris as the 100,000th car is torched since the current unrest began. On a positive note, French automakers begin hiring assembly line workers again.
- Environmental artist Christo announces plans to wrap colorful nylon panels around Cindy Sheehan.
Also check out the other predictions made by NRO folks.
