While I’m not very worried, since I’ve just finished remodeling my house to protect me from the scary Ebola outbreak of ‘95, everyone else should be heading for underground bunkers immediately.

Now we have to fear the new Chicken McNuggets (since they finally started putting actual chicken in them) because the bird flu is going to kill us all…

The H5N1 avian flu virus has been found in birds in more than 48 countries. It has killed 115 people out of 207 sick enough to be treated at hospitals.

Bird flu only rarely infects people now, but scientists agree it could evolve into a form that transmits directly from person to person. If it did, it could infect hundreds of million of people within a few weeks or months.

At the current death rate, though, the Bird Flu will kill every person on the planet in just 5.2 million years! AHHHHHHhhhhhh…… Heck, just riding in a car with a Kennedy is more dangerous to your health than that.

As if that wasn’t scary enough, we now have to be wary of geeks with model airplanes as well. (Of course, the geeks won’t be able to afford the gas to fuel these geek-bombs, so it looks like gouging has its perks!)