The interrogation techniques the CIA is seeking to be allowed to apply to terror suspects has been
leaked to the media.
Update:Apparently this information has been public for at least a year now.
Now I see what all the fuss is about… I can’t believe we’d use such barbaric techniques on these poor, timid souls who are guilty of nothing more than simply plotting the deaths of millions of innocent American men, women and children. Afterall, is stopping the violent beheading of an innocent man or the prevention of an apocalyptic attack on an American city really worthy of interrogation techniques like these unspeakable acts?
…induced hypothermia; forcing suspects to stand for prolonged periods; sleep deprivation; a technique called “the attention grab” where a suspect’s shirt is forcefully seized; the “attention slap” or open hand slapping that hurts but does not lead to physical damage; the “belly slap”; and sound and light manipulation.
John wonders what other despicable acts our evil CIA is engaged in…
I can’t believe they didn’t leak the other techniques of noogies, titty twisting, ear thumping, swirlies (especially with Korans), wet willies, and wedgies.
Of course, the article goes on to hail John McCain as the maverick renegade who’s single-handedly keeping the CIA’s interrogation techniques from reaching the unimaginable levels of a full-fledged fraternity initiation.
I can think of a few other techniques that might offend the sensibilities of the Left if we were to use them on the poor little terrorists. How about:
1. The indian burn
2. Short-sheeting their beds.
3. Burning bag of dog poop on their front porch
4. The “hotfoot”
5. Putting their hands in a bowl of warm water while sleeping
6. Toilet-papering their shanties
I know, I know, I’m a barbarian!